I began the journey of self-discovery by looking at all the oppressive beliefs I held for myself; every judgment, condition, and expectation I had for myself and others, and all the rules I believed that allowed me to feel safe in the world. I then began to question, discect, and rewrite my belief system to allow me to create a life of joy, peace, and purpose in the present moment. Trust me, this process was painful, emotional, and a whole lot of work, but very worth it. My goal was to learn how to live completely peacefully in the present moment free from the sadness of my past and the anxiety of my future. The following paragraphs contain some thoughts about the journey.
The process of rewriting your narratives in the present moment can be a challenging task.
Early in the process of change, you will be invigorated and excited because the first oppressive narratives you change are often the most evident beliefs to confront. As you move further along the path of change, you will realize the more profound pain you hold; narratives of suffering you might be unaware of. One layer at a time, you will develop new insights about your fears and how they dictate your reality of suffering. Each condition, judgment, and expectation you liberate yourself from drive you deeper into your most personal fears and insecurities. The deeper you explore your fear, the more you realize your separation from the Divine and how alone you feel on the journey of rebirth. You will understand that all your fear has kept you separate from all Divinity in the Universe, and you will feel profound sadness.
You will be inclined to distract yourself from the process by looking to others for validation and significance, but you will quickly realize that you are on your unique journey...alone. This profound realization catalyzes a more in-depth understanding of the need for faith in something much more significant than you. I call this period of transformation, the “Dark Night of the Soul.”
In the Roman Catholic tradition, the term describes a spiritual crisis on the journey toward union with God. Other cultures use the term to refer to a profoundly deep and dark mood that reveals your suffering depth. I believe the “Dark Night of the Soul” is a combination of both important perspectives. In the process of freeing yourself from your narratives of limitation and suffering, you step much closer to realizing your Divinity and the Divinity of all creation. Because all your suffering narratives are rooted in fear, you step into the “Dark Night of the Soul” to confront your deepest fears and most painful wounds and then liberate yourself from your past. This is the most painful part of the journey, and unfortunately, the “Dark Night of the Soul” intermittently repeats until you liberate yourself from all the residual pain. This process is often triggered by a significant life change or event that triggers you into your most profound suffering narratives.
This past summer, I had two straight weeks of the “Dark Night of the Soul,” and I had a few thoughts during the experience. It is written as a letter to myself.
I would suggest you consider all the pain and suffering you have processed and write a letter of celebration to yourself. This little letter gave me the courage to continue exploring the suffering in my life and healing it.
You have been on an intentional journey for your entire life, and you continue to evolve every single day. As you have learned, the depth of pain you hold restricts you from stepping fully into your Divine gifts. Although life feels meaningless and all-consuming, you are merely being invited to move deeper into your soulful essence. Your soul is emerging, and your fear-based ego is waging war. Breathe, relax, and do not assign meaning to anything. Sit in detachment as the observer of your life and allow yourself to create your new story. Allow yourself to be alone and experience solitude in your heart. As a thought or emotion surface, allow them to flow in and out of your reality without assigning any meaning to the experience. Practice the act of total detachment as you release yourself from the broader stories of suffering. For each memory and “story” you release, consider how they have influenced your reality and further “refined” your gifts for humanity.
Stay in the “Dark Night of the Soul” until the energy release becomes so intense that you must create, express, dance, sing, cry and meditate. It is through this act of creating that you become aware of your connection to the Master Creator. Allow your body to be a receiver of all things good. Eventually, you will feel lighter and more connected to your soulful essence because you now realize you are evolving as a profoundly soulful human “being.”
Do not distract yourself, “BE” until you are free from your suffering.
As you journey toward a life of joy, peace, and purpose in the present moment, I want to celebrate your courage to face your deepest and most limiting beliefs. I also want you to know that there will come a day when you can step fully out of the suffering in your life and begin to create the life you truly deserve. When you embrace the Divinity of who you are, and the Divinity of others, you will leap boldly into unconditional love, and your life of joy will appear.
You Are Loved!